Hiring a new employee is just like dating…

I had a rather nice lunch yesterday with Veronica. Which was, all things considered, a result.  Because I had sacked her the day before.

She was sad but recognised that she and the business were not right for each other. So, before the end of her probationary period, we gently parted company.

Hiring, firing… it’s a lot like dating really.  Hiring people is very similar to being on a blind date. You’ve got a pretty good notion of what you’re looking for and a mental checklist in mind. Meanwhile, he/she has a similar list.   How hard can it be?  Depending on how much you like each other at first sight, you'll then both do two things:

1.) Modify your list (or at least the order of priority)

2.) Modify how you present yourself to suit the other’s list (and you’ll telegraph your lists to each other in the first half-hour, have no fear)

Just to add to the unreliability of the whole process, there are a few other factors that will throw humungous great spanners into the works. First, how desperate are you?  And how desperate are they?  Next– what did the last boyfriend /girlfriend (boss/employee) do to piss you/them off?  And, very importantly, what prejudices do both of you bring to the party? I once had a date with someone who met me and in the first two minutes said he didn’t like going out with someone taller than him. This from a guy who put his height down like three inches taller than he actually was. Go figure.

But it does pose an interesting question: do you know what your deal breakers are?  And what about your dealmakers? Will you forgive your date for being shorter/heavier/less-educated/poorer than you usually go for because they have great teeth, a killer smile and you haven’t had a good snog for ages?  If so, will you allow yourself to be seduced into entering a probationary period with them? And if you think that is a rather unromantic way of putting it –tough. Because that’s exactly what dating is: a time-variable probationary period for both parties.

In that probationary period, you will (once you get over the oxytocin-infused early days) work out what works and what doesn’t. Some of the things that you thought mattered, won’t. Some that you don’t even know about (do people really freak out if you don’t answer their texts inside five minutes? Yes, some do. Not a good sign) will wind you up more than you thought possible.

And hiring someone for a job is pretty much the same. You both need to know exactly what the deal breakers are. All the day-to-day stuff we take for granted – timekeeping, dress code, and behaviour in the workplace – you need to know they know what that means.  The bigger stuff, skills, experience, intelligence, creative thinking, and the confidence to take charge and get on – you can only see those properly in action.

Because we all lie at an interview, just like we do on a first date. You do. They do. We say what we believe about ourselves – sometimes we say what we want to believe about ourselves. Sometimes that’s true, sometimes it’s not.   And the probationary period is vital because its when you get to work out if your round hole has found its round peg, so to speak.

Use this period well. If you don’t, prepare for a long and protracted break up with significant collateral damage – mainly to you.